In 8 hrs I will be having a gastro endoscopy performed on me to see what is up with my tummy. Do I have an ulcer or something? Could be? We will find out. They will sedate me and I will not remember anything, so is my understanding. I was very ill again for about a week at the beginning of the month. However, it seemed to have cleared up rather well the last 10 days or so, until the last few days. I am now feeling crumby again. I think it really could be mental. I think when Chris was sick, I made him sick. I think I got a stomach bug and he got it. I was sick a few days prior to him getting ill. He was ill only a day and I a week. Which is par for the course considering he never gets sick and I get everything. However, I think stress and poor diet contributed greatly. I had tests done to rule out all the other garbage. My pancreas and spleen are ok, so are kidneys. Blood sugar is way down and so were my liver enzymes. All super great news. Cholesterol was up though and soon as I get this test done I can start my meds to get that under control. I was feeling so good this weekend that I went to walmart and other than some minor anxiety, I had no problem. I felt like a rockstar. I know how dumb that may sound but when you have been a prisoner in your own home in your own body for months with illness, an hour out in the sun and wandering about walmart is heaven. I really think that God is helping me in his own divine way. It is slow, but it helps me appreciate feeling good. I do appreciate it and I don't take it for granted. I treasure the good days and use them to get through the bad days. I know I worry myself ill, I have done it since I was a child. I am getting better though. I think the anti-depressants will help immensely once I can start taking them. I am a bit fearful, but Adam stated that they were super mello and no side effects. But they didn't help him, so he says. But they might work for me since I am sensitive to meds. I try to read my Bible quotes daily, I do pretty good with it. I should be reading the book itself more. I need to for my own sanity. I would like to go to a study but not one that is any denomination. Just a random gathering of God fearin folk to chat about what they think it says or means. I watch alot of Bible history shows on tv. I find them interesting. I still hold value in what and how the pagans believe. I think there is alot to be said for the power of self and the earth and world in general. And honestly, if you have a belief system in place that harms none, and gives you peace and allows you to feel good, I don't care if you worship a rock. I really don't think God would have too much of an issue as long as you don't demean Him. Most real pagans don't deface Christianity. They let folks be. Really, I think and this is all my opinion, that God would be glad to see someone believe in a rock than to not believe in anything at all. Besides, the rock was made by God so really, they are worshipping Him, just in a round-a-bout way, lol. Ok, so maybe I am reaching with all that but hey, this is my random blog of blatherings. I can say whatever I feel.
I love my husband, Christopher. He really is a dear soul and a kind man. It makes me melt when I see him tear up over a commercial on tv or let tears stream during a sad movie. He isn't afraid to feel. I don't think it makes him less of a man either to feel. It shows he is human and can be effected emotionally. Proves he cares. I tease him about it but I really adore it.
Sounds as if we are going to move to Seattle in August. Just before Chris leaves to Basic. That way I will be around family and such and not alone. I can't bare it. Even if it means hanging out with my crazy aunties and granny or whatever, I will. I just don't wanna be alone while he is gone. I can't stay in a house all by myself. I'm a chicken. I can admit it. I have lived alone before, I hated it. So, we are going to move. And if all is well, I will have a home to have a nice Christmas in so Chris's dad and step mom can come up and visit. His mom and gramma will have to come up when he gets out of A school. I am crappy with traveling. But...if my meds work and I can get back on my feet, I will be able to travel to Texas and visit there. I would like to meet the rest of his family.
Oh, and this fasting thing for this test tomorrow is miserable. I am sooooo hungry. I could eat a cow leg. I figure I will stay up and crash when I get home. The sedation will have me worn out pretty well anyway. I will probably come home and go right to bed. Sleep til evening and eat some soup or something.
I want to get back to my writing and I might actually do that tonight. I could push out a page or two before dawn. Maybe.
For now, I am slightly stressed feeling slightly icky and tomorrow I will be one step closer to finding out what's up with me.
TTFN!!
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