Yeah, the big RED showed up yesterday. Not full on yet or anything but there and that puts me at ease. Just frustrating. But hey...3 months in a row! Maybe its getting back to normal? Maybe I am? I am hopeful. I am still losing weight but slowly. Seems like I feel really crumby when I drop fast so I have slowed up alot. I would like to hit 165 by the time Chris comes home for holiday. But if not, I won't freak out.
He and I are arguing right now so I put him on notice that he is not to contact me at all today. In fact I didn't exactly specify when he could contact me so it might be a few days or until he gives in. I won't call him. He needs to be able to do shit on his own and get things done. I am not his crutch, I can't be. The Navy is. I am nothing but the nag at home. I need him to be a man and get his shit done. He needs to get the focus and discipline in full force. He seems to be bored as hell since he hasn't classed up yet and I know it frustrates the hell out of him but at the same time he does have the ability to get his online classes started and he has yet to do it. He has been busy doing some petty things but none the less he could get the ball rolling with those courses. It's going to take him a month or so to get them done so he could be doing that now. I hope he gets on that this coming week.
The thing that makes me so nuts about Chris is that he is so smart and he just seems to let his potential fall by the wayside to fuck around and do stupid shit. Maybe it's just my over demanding A-type personality that is seeing more or less than what it really there. I don't know. I just know that if it were me, I would be pushing and doing as much as I could to excel and make a name for myself so that irregardless of whether I was in class or not, I would already have a good aire going for me. But that is me playing the political. Chris is not a sales man nor is he as competitive nor is he the politician. He is not a force of nature, not like me. But I can be that force through him if he would just do what I tell him and push.
I am stuck here with physical issues, but my mind is still functioning fine and I can still see 10 steps ahead of the others. My intuition and foresight are better than most. I have rarely been wrong and Chris knows it. I have called him out on everything when I was feeling off about him. I am a dangerous mental adversary. I can manipulate the masses and argue anything, and make you realize you were wrong and that my way is best. Even if it means leading you to slaughter. It is where I excel. I am a leader, born this way. I only follow strong men that are worthy opponents or stronger than I. What I lack in physical strength, I make up for with cunning and an unyielding mental strength with conviction and discipline that most cannot come close to. I like to play to sleeping dog, but I hear and see all even when you think I don't. I have failed and those times that I have keep me humble but I also have analyzed why and how I failed and I never make the same mistake twice. I learn and evolve.
So...I'm fighting a toenail fungus. Gross right? lol. Yeah, I know. I need to get to the doc to get a refill on my nail lacquer for it.
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