So sick I can't even go to my appt....

So now what? Ugh, I feel awful. Called the docs office and nurse said she would have doc call me. I canceled my annual til next week. I will do it then. Right now I need the safety and comfort of home to stay as calm as possible to take her call, if she calls. Nurse couldn't guarantee that she would call, but was hopeful and sent her an urgent email. In any case I have popped 4 beet pills so far, will need to pop a few more before I get some real relief. I had to do like 6 a few weeks ago to curb the pain. I don't have a fever, temp was 97.9 and my tummy is super hungry so I know its gallstones acting a fool again. I need to look up additional info on gall bladder removal surgery. It sounds less invasive than in the olden days and the scar is super small. I might try meds and sonic blasting first to see if that wouldn't be best. However, with new diet and exercise plan I might be able to curb the creation of more. I don't know though. My guts hungry but the pain makes me feel too yucky to eat. How much does that suck? lol. Starving and can't eat. Not that I don't have a few lbs to lose, more like 65 of them but whatever. Chris is being as understanding as he can be. He wanted me to go to this appt and he wanted to go as well but...I seriously don't feel well enuff to go. So...I am to spend my day sipping water, taking beetroot pills, and resting. I have 2 movies to watch so I can watch them if I feel good enuff to sit still and enjoy them. The pain is kind of random in that it's not constant. It ebbs and flows. I had a normal bowel movement. I pee just fine. I kind of anticipated an attack yesterday when my vision was a bit off and I was edging a headache that never blossomed. Not much else to say really. Not til I hear from doc Sarah. I told her that if it was important to call me right away and she didn't call. She got the results from the liver specialist and they are just sitting there in her computer. Bah this sucks ass. I hate this so much. I miss who I was before I started getting ill. I was an active, working, go getter with spark and fun in her step. Now I shuffle and the sparkles I once had are all gone, faded like my favorite jeans. I can't live like this. Hurts to sit for long periods of time, hurts to walk too much. But pacing seems to help. Just moving along. Maybe it helps the stone move too? Maybe the movement aggravates it? Fuck all, I just don't know. I am a decent person. I mean really I am. I have done more good than bad. I have had bad thoughts and said some bad things but never have I acted upon them. I am a person of feeling and I do know that I have hurt people in my past, but I have tried like hell to be better.